Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

William

Shit show

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Life is kicking my ass at the moment. I feel like everything in the world is going against me at the moment. My mind, my relationships, my children, my career, and life as a whole.

I feel like I have reached that point in life where I do not care if I were to die today or not. I feel apathetic to life. I don’t feel as though there is anything to look forward to, or a reason to keep living for.

I’m sure that anyone who reads this will automatically say that I need to see a therapist, and I probably do based on how the average person sees and lives in the world. However there are always outliers, otherwise how would there be normal?

What will a therapist do for me though? Give me tools to change my thoughts to be more normal? Try to show me that I can live a better life? But what can be better than the one I have? I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted, there are some things that I want that I can’t see achieving, so why bother continuing to pursue them?

I’ve made up my mind, and I’m not sure that anyone can convince me otherwise. As I said, if I died today, I can’t think of anything else I would like to have achieved.

Does that mean I will continue writing here, well if life intends for me to continue existing, well I guess my writing will continue in whatever shape or for that exists.

Use me

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I would like someone to bind me, blindfold me, and then turn me into their sex doll using all my holes as they see fit.

Alternatively, I would like to spend some time alone, with a large knotted dildo, and give myself an anal orgasm.

Minutiae

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1 – Defend your splurge – Tell us why you bought that thing — we won’t judge.

I don’t even know what I would splurge on. I don’t treat myself to anything, even after 5 years of contemplation on it. I’ve been thinking about upgrading my DSLR camera for about 4 years, and I’m still no closer to spending the money on a new camera.

2 – What is one thing you always take from a hotel room?

Soaps, shampoo and hand cream assuming that we use them while we are there. I’m pretty tame when it comes to this. If I’m going to use them, no point letting the rest of the bottle be thrown away.

3 – What is one thing in your pantry you know you keep for too long?

Ummmm …. baked beans. We always have baked beans on hand, even if it is past its expiry date. I have never come across tinned food that has gone bad in a tin that is undamaged.

4 – Which game show sums up your life?
a. Jeopardy
b. Family Feud
c. The Price is Right
d. The Dating Game

I only know three of those TV shows, and the Australian versions, so not sure how different they from the US versions. But going by titles alone, I’d probably say that my life is like the Dating Game, where you match with someone on the surface, but once the glitter and lights go away, it fizzles into nothing.

That’s certainly how most of my relationships see to go (except Missus Sub).

5 – When all is said and done, will you have said more than you have done?

Definitely speak more than I do. I’m all talk and no action.

In a rut

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It is this time of year where I find myself in a rut.

In a life before COVID (did that ever actually exist?a) Missus Sub & I would generally holiday in or around September in the run up to the end of the year. COVID has put a stop to that, and now with school children it is even more difficult to schedule time away.

We haven’t had a decent break in quite some time, and I think that is contributing to the rut that I find myself in. This rut affects me in many ways.

Personal

I’m struggling on a day-to-day basis to get up in the morning enthusiastic about going to work. It feels like a chore to go to the office five days per week and get through the work.

I’m thinking a week long break in November will help, but it is only temporary.

Maybe I need some time away from it all, or a new job, I don’t really know what would help.

Blog writing

I’m sure that you may have noticed that for most of October, blog posts have been limited to blog prompts that are generally non-sexual.

That isn’t a bad thing, but it also feels like it is part of the natural cycle my writing goes through. I start a blog, have a flurry of posts, then about 3-6 months later end up writing very little.

I’m hoping that even some writing will keep the habit ticking over even if it isn’t the most inspiring writing I wish I could be writing. Some writing is better than no writing, right?

Sexual

I have not had sex in months. The children are some serious cock blockers at the moment. They do not give Missus Sub & I the time alone we need, and we don’t have anyone who will look after them to allow us to have a fancy date in a hotel.

There is also the lack of a physical non-monogamous partner to be intimate with. So for me, all sexual activity is with me, myself and I, and my imagination of course.

So hopefully the upcoming break will help me reset, find some new vibes, and hopefully some chilling and refreshment that I need.

Money, money, money

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1 – True or False. You can never have enough money.

I think up to a certain point, you won’t have enough money. There are things that are much more important in life than money, shelter, water and a supply of food. If you have those three things, plus companionship, you are as rich as you need to be. Anything beyond that is somewhat pointless.

However human nature always drives us to have more than other people. Just look at the likes to Bezos and Musk. Even with the billions of dollars of wealth they have and control, they still want more.

2 – Will money solve all your problems? Why or why not?

I think having enough money to guarantee a roof over my head, food for the family, and maybe a little extra to spend on experiences, I would be satisfied. The constant grind of needing more money to put myself ahead of others is what kills me.

3 – Agree or disagree. I will not buy something unless it is new (e.g. furniture, car, clothes).

I think there are some things that I would rather buy new than others. It is always nice to have new things, but sometimes the act of buying something new is enough to satisfy that craving.

4 – Is it important to save for a rainy day (aka emergency fund)?

In the world we live in, I think an emergency fund is necessary. Help often takes time to arrive be it from family, friends or the government. Yes you might be able to scrape something together if you are in dire straits, but having some emergency funds will help calm my nerves.

5 – Complete the sentence. If I win millions in the lottery I will __________.

Ask where the lottery ticket came from. I don’t buy lottery tickets.

However if I did buy one, and we won millions of dollars, I would certainly pay off all our debts, take the family on a nice holiday somewhere new, put all the money aside in an account, and not touch it for 12 months. Yes it sounds boring, but I need to kill the impulse desires to just spend willy nilly.

Bonus: Dating costs money: dating apps, outfits, grooming, and the date itself. Tell us how you plan to make a great cheap date?

A nice meal in a restaurant or pub, a quiet drink or two, and find a nice park overlooking a beach on a warm summery evening to just talk and listen to the waves crashing on the beach.