Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

Thoughts

Shit show

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Life is kicking my ass at the moment. I feel like everything in the world is going against me at the moment. My mind, my relationships, my children, my career, and life as a whole.

I feel like I have reached that point in life where I do not care if I were to die today or not. I feel apathetic to life. I don’t feel as though there is anything to look forward to, or a reason to keep living for.

I’m sure that anyone who reads this will automatically say that I need to see a therapist, and I probably do based on how the average person sees and lives in the world. However there are always outliers, otherwise how would there be normal?

What will a therapist do for me though? Give me tools to change my thoughts to be more normal? Try to show me that I can live a better life? But what can be better than the one I have? I’ve achieved everything I ever wanted, there are some things that I want that I can’t see achieving, so why bother continuing to pursue them?

I’ve made up my mind, and I’m not sure that anyone can convince me otherwise. As I said, if I died today, I can’t think of anything else I would like to have achieved.

Does that mean I will continue writing here, well if life intends for me to continue existing, well I guess my writing will continue in whatever shape or for that exists.

In a rut

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It is this time of year where I find myself in a rut.

In a life before COVID (did that ever actually exist?a) Missus Sub & I would generally holiday in or around September in the run up to the end of the year. COVID has put a stop to that, and now with school children it is even more difficult to schedule time away.

We haven’t had a decent break in quite some time, and I think that is contributing to the rut that I find myself in. This rut affects me in many ways.

Personal

I’m struggling on a day-to-day basis to get up in the morning enthusiastic about going to work. It feels like a chore to go to the office five days per week and get through the work.

I’m thinking a week long break in November will help, but it is only temporary.

Maybe I need some time away from it all, or a new job, I don’t really know what would help.

Blog writing

I’m sure that you may have noticed that for most of October, blog posts have been limited to blog prompts that are generally non-sexual.

That isn’t a bad thing, but it also feels like it is part of the natural cycle my writing goes through. I start a blog, have a flurry of posts, then about 3-6 months later end up writing very little.

I’m hoping that even some writing will keep the habit ticking over even if it isn’t the most inspiring writing I wish I could be writing. Some writing is better than no writing, right?

Sexual

I have not had sex in months. The children are some serious cock blockers at the moment. They do not give Missus Sub & I the time alone we need, and we don’t have anyone who will look after them to allow us to have a fancy date in a hotel.

There is also the lack of a physical non-monogamous partner to be intimate with. So for me, all sexual activity is with me, myself and I, and my imagination of course.

So hopefully the upcoming break will help me reset, find some new vibes, and hopefully some chilling and refreshment that I need.

Fantasies and dreams

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What do you tend to fantasize or dream about when it comes to sex? What kinds of porn or kink are you drawn to?

I have many fantasies & dreams about sex, and it very much aligns with the kind of porn that I am very much interested in and drawn towards.

I very much prefer the women I date and sleep with to have very natural bodies, with a few curves. I am not drawn to those slimmed down bodies. I have previously asked whether my kinks are valid about a particular body type.

I certainly love the idea of being able to trace the curves & marks on a woman’s body that are formed as a result of living her life. Whether her body has been through weight gain and weight loss, whether she has experienced pregnancy, or just has the marks from a life well lived.

AS a result of my kink and porn preferences, so to are my dreams are naturally drawn to more curvy women and spending time with them both in and out of the bedroom.

If only my fantasies and dreams would become real.

Like to find out more about what makes me tick? Read more of my 30 Dirty Questions.

More

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What do you want more of in your sex life?

Honestly?

I don’t think there is more of anything that I want. Although I might come back at a later time and update this post, but right now, nothing comes to mind.

Like to find out more about what makes me tick? Read more of my 30 Dirty Questions.

Dry thoughts

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To date, I have published 30 posts here on the blog, and after a few weeks, my writing has dried up. I wish that I had a never ending supply of words and ideas to turn into blog posts or works of fiction.

I am trying not to stress to much about this dry patch of writing, but it is hard not to when those around you are publishing often and regularly.

Maybe I need to find some blog prompts that are more than a word or two. Maybe I need to work with TMI Tuesday and the questions that are posted for them. Prompting me with questions is probably the right way to go.