Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

William

I am done

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Some things have transpired the last 24 to 36 hours that have rocked my world, and not in a good way.

I stumbled across something that a former polyamorous partner has written. Basically she wrote an account of the five years that we dated, as well as some even after the fact. The events that happened after the fact are not really the bits that have caused my world to be rocked.

It is what happened in the month before the relationship ended.

I don’t remember a discussion about not being exclusive any more, maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t . I don’t really remember, but looking back I do remember there being another couple in the background, as well as Missus Sub’s partner. I remember at the time that I was upset that again I was the person without anyone of my own outside the group of four.

What I read has brought those feelings up again and has caused me to question whether I really want to be polyamorous any more. The fact that I can’t seem to find anyone to have a polyamorous relationship in person is really frustrating. The fact that I have been reminded that I didn’t find anyone, and that I was cast aside like old mutton makes me question whether I am done with polyamory.

I seem to only be able to find people that are long distance, be it on the other side of the world, or just a couple of hours drive from where I live. I seem to attract damaged people, or ladies who are in a relationship with someone and want some level of discretion.

I do not know if I have the emotional ready to deal with these type of people anymore. I feel like it might be time to hang up the idea of finding a polyamorous partner going forward. It seems my luck is to find people trying to escape their lives as they are, and live out some fantasy rather than an ethical relationship.

So I feel that I am done for now, and I need to put this chapter of my life behind me.

eLust 174

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Image courtesy of Catalina Cruz

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    Porn has been a part of my life since my middle teenage years. Has it always been a healthy relationship? Probably not. However I don’t think I have ever been addicted to porn in the sense that it interferes with my life.

    One thing that happens when I look at porn, is that it causes me to hyper focus on one particular physical aspect of the human body, male or female. This causes my desires to be for a person with those physical characteristics.

    For instance, the current porn over on Reddit I am subscribed to are large labia pics. Of course the same few females come up time and again in my Reddit feed, but it still causes me to have an obsession with wanting to meet and play with a woman who has those characteristics.

    Given how few people have those characteristics, my mind still thinks that I deserve the opportunity to play with a woman who has that anatomy. Logically I know that my chances of meeting someone who has those characteristics, AND would be willing to join me in the bedroom are slim, I still have this idea they are more prevalent than reality.

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    Some of the characteristics that are part of my porn Reddit history in the past include:

    • large labia
    • dark skinned women
    • big beautiful women
    • transfems
    • large nipples
    • adult breastfeeding

    That isn’t even the full list, just some of the most recent ones that I can remember.

    So while porn has not had an addictive effect on me, it does shape the way that I see people when it comes to physical characteristics.

    Being one person, my experience is my experience, however I suspect that I am not the only one that has those experiences. I’m sure that many have very similar ones.

    So what has your porn relationships been like? Have you had similar experiences? Even been addicted?

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    Sexually daring

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    What is the most sexually daring thing you’ve ever done?

    When I originally chose this topic, I clearly had something in mind. Now a week later, that idea has completely disappeared. So now I have to come up with a new sexually daring idea.

    In reality, I think the most sexually daring thing that I have done involved my polyamorous girlfriend. We organised an overnight date at a local motel as neither of our home lives gave us the privacy that we wanted for ourselves. It was a suburban hotel, and after checking in early afternoon, but before we headed out for dinner. We took to the bedroom.

    Our time involved my chastity for two weeks leading up to our date. So I was horny! I hadn’t touched myself for two weeks, I had woken up many times to a cock straining to get out of the cage at 3am, and since we didn’t catch up physically often, AND I was lusting after my girlfriend so much.

    Basically as soon as we had checked in, I was stripped naked, cock caged, and our time was all about worshipping her and her amazing body. My cock strained at the cage as I licked and sucked on her breasts and cunt. She was horny for me too, but I wanted to be dominated, for her to peg my ass.

    I submitted to her there and then. We harnessed her up, slipped in the g-spot dildo we purchased previously, and she slid inside me, my legs up in the air, arse exposed. She fucked me good, I moaned in pure ecstasy as the dildo rubbed my prostate while she fucked me good.

    That pegging experience was some of the best sex I have had. I was submissive in the moment, and was being used as I want to be used. The only problem with the experience was that she did not get any great physical sensation during the moment. She was not much of a dominant woman, and there was no physical stimulation for her. As much as I was enjoying the moment, she didn’t enjoy it as much, except for seeing my face and hearing my moans.

    Being vulnerable like that was sexually daring at the time, and it was worth being vulnerable in that moment.

    Now was that the original idea I had, not really sure, does it address the question, well that could be completely debatable. But I hope you enjoyed the event.