Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

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eLust 178

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Elust is the only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month.

Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice, or kinky discussions, it’ll be here at Elust.

If you have a post included in Elust 178, please re-post the latest edition on your own blog, ideally with your own unique comments next to each link, or a paragraph for each category and/or write your own introduction.

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

A number of us share our thoughts and feelings on pornography, deep sexual connections, self intimacy, and a multitude of orgasms to try giving yourself.

Erotic Non Fiction

A discussion on politeness being sexy, thoughts on a full body tantric orgasm, and one account for a lovers paddling session.

Thoughts & Advice on Kink & Fetish

Bibulous uses ChatGPT to write a kink scene to act out with a play partner.

Erotic Fiction

Product Reviews

Male sex toys seem to be the flavour of the month. Check out what might work for you.

Sex Work

Looking to read some insights into the sex work industry? Read about a “fly me to you”, a doubles encounter, as well as some advice on managing your online image.

Books and Movies

Poetry

Pregnant porn desires

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I have shared my thoughts and ideas of my relationship with porn. I am going to continue this topic with another post.

I have mentioned that the porn I view has a significant influence over my sexual desires. Right now, I find that the porn I view makes me regret part of my life, but also what happened in the past.

My current porn subscriptions consist of curvy, voluptuous women, pregnant women, and transwomen. The one in particular that I want to talk about, and causing the most regret is pregnant women.

I have a desire to be intimate and very sexual with a heavily pregnant woman. I want to tease and please her, I want to touch and caress her curves. I want to pleasure her, and satisfy her horny urges.

When Missus Sub was pregnant with out children, I was not in a good headspace. I was severely depressed, and very uninterested sex except for the occasional uptick in desire. They were few and far between, and was more about my orgasmic release than the needs and desires of Missus Sub. Sex at that time was very transactional.

So I missed the opportunity to fulfil my desires to be with a pregnant woman that was right on my doorstep so to speak. I am not sure that I will ever have the opportunity to fulfil my sexual desires.

This is where I struggle. Do I continue feeding my obsession with pregnant porn, feeding the “beast” so to speak, causing me to continue having feelings of regret? Or do I avoid pregnancy porn in the hope that my desires go away?

I am aware that I can search for a poly or poly-friendly woman who is pregnant, with the hopes of forming a relationship with her? However to date, finding poly or poly-friendly women has not been successful.

So I find myself in a quandary. Do I stop viewing porn my mind desires? Or do I continue viewing it while living with regrets and disappointment? That is the question.

Porn thoughts

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I have many a thought about porn. However, right now porn is not having an effect on my body at the moment. I do not get the instant erection I previously would as a teen. I heard that has something to do with age.

My interest in porn has decreased as well. I search through my porn collection, or online videos for 5 to 15 minutes to find something that stirs me enough to build a desire to rub one out.

I have previously shared thoughts about the types of porn I consume and the effect it has on the type of people I desire to be intimate with as part of a poly relationship.

My porn consumption has changed. Some days I look for porn, others I endlessly scroll through pictures on Reddit, and others where I just can’t be f*cked looking at or watching porn. I’m not sure why my desires change and where these feelings are coming from, or what my subconscious is trying to tell me.

So what is my subconscious trying to tell me? I really do not know at the moment.

Is it telling me that I have been watching too much porn and need to take a break? Maybe it is telling me that I need to stop searching for particular physical characteristics? Or does it mean something else altogether? Maybe you can tell me in the comments below.

Or maybe I am just thinking into it too much and that as I am aging, my desires are part of the physiological changes that are happening in my body? Low testosterone? High oestrogen? Something else?

I feel as though I am stuck in no man’s land at the moment when it comes to porn. I do not know whether I am coming or going, am I interested or uninterested? Maybe I am just who I am right now. I just let this moment be as it is and see what happens and where life takes me rather than always wondering what it might look like.

I have disabled comments on this post due to the unexpected amount of unsolicited comment spam. If you wish to provide feedback, please contact me.

Catch-22

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I have a couple of thoughts on a topic. I’m not sure if my thoughts on the topic are controversial.

We as men are primal creatures. Visual stimuli drives my initial thoughts about sex and dating. I am not suggesting men are not emotional.

Since our initial thoughts and reactions are stimulated by visual stimuli, we gravitate towards the nude female body.

A short history

My take on the history of porn has three stages:

  1. live performance
  2. magazine and videos (VHS/DVD)
  3. video on demand (Pornhub and Youporn)
  4. personalised content (OnlyFans and Fansly)

Meeting women online is a challenge. There seems to be two sides to the one coin, and I feel these two sides contradict each other.

Two sides of the coin

On one side, men are trying to meet women the way it happens in porn. They believe women owe them sex. It feels like this leads to women being selective when it comes to talking to all men. Women appear to be closeted until there is some level of trust (if they open up).

It feels like this closeted nature leads to women ignoring men, including the genuine ones.

On the other side, some women are trying to attract the attention of men with the hope they pay for “personalised” content via OnlyFans or Fansly. They post openly on a variety of social media, sometimes across many sub-sections. Men are lured in with the phrasing on their social media posts. It gives the impression they can meet the woman

It seems that we have a catch-22 scenario.

I am confused

For years I have watched women fight against the unwanted attention of men while at the same time there is this increased desire for wanted attention. Now I know these are not necessarily the same women on both sides, however it feels as though they can be.

Some women want the paid attention of men, conversely some men are interested in the companionship of women. When a woman posts asking for interaction, but then only replies through platforms where they are compensated with a subscription, I just get annoyed.

What next?

So how does a genuine man stand out from the crowd to find a genuine woman? It feels like a catch-22.

I am done

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Some things have transpired the last 24 to 36 hours that have rocked my world, and not in a good way.

I stumbled across something that a former polyamorous partner has written. Basically she wrote an account of the five years that we dated, as well as some even after the fact. The events that happened after the fact are not really the bits that have caused my world to be rocked.

It is what happened in the month before the relationship ended.

I don’t remember a discussion about not being exclusive any more, maybe it happened, maybe it didn’t . I don’t really remember, but looking back I do remember there being another couple in the background, as well as Missus Sub’s partner. I remember at the time that I was upset that again I was the person without anyone of my own outside the group of four.

What I read has brought those feelings up again and has caused me to question whether I really want to be polyamorous any more. The fact that I can’t seem to find anyone to have a polyamorous relationship in person is really frustrating. The fact that I have been reminded that I didn’t find anyone, and that I was cast aside like old mutton makes me question whether I am done with polyamory.

I seem to only be able to find people that are long distance, be it on the other side of the world, or just a couple of hours drive from where I live. I seem to attract damaged people, or ladies who are in a relationship with someone and want some level of discretion.

I do not know if I have the emotional ready to deal with these type of people anymore. I feel like it might be time to hang up the idea of finding a polyamorous partner going forward. It seems my luck is to find people trying to escape their lives as they are, and live out some fantasy rather than an ethical relationship.

So I feel that I am done for now, and I need to put this chapter of my life behind me.