Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

William

Not helping myself

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There is so much to see and do in life and I do not have the mental capacity to be able to do any of these things. I am stuck in a rut and while I want to change my life for the better, I do not have the desire to make the changes necessary.

This has become quite apparent in the last few days when it was pointed out that I am not healthy to be around or talk with.

I have been thinking through these thoughts for many months now and I always find myself in the same thinking patterns. I want to improve but do not want to do the work required to help myself.

Now from what I have read, a person can only be helped if they want to help themselves. I want to be helped, but do not want to help myself.

I can read books, I can listen to podcasts, and I can understand some of the tools that will help me get better. I just do not find the answers to move my thinking from just wanting to get better to being able to make the changes necessary to get better.

I want to change, but I do not know how to stick with change if and when I do make changes to my life. Someone will probably tell me that change is hard and requires work from me, but how can I do the hard work if I do not want to put in the effort?

I am sick of feeling this way, yet I don’t want to help myself at the same time. I feel like my life is a failure and the world will be a better place without me.

That will help me, right?

Fantasies and dreams

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What do you tend to fantasize or dream about when it comes to sex? What kinds of porn or kink are you drawn to?

I have many fantasies & dreams about sex, and it very much aligns with the kind of porn that I am very much interested in and drawn towards.

I very much prefer the women I date and sleep with to have very natural bodies, with a few curves. I am not drawn to those slimmed down bodies. I have previously asked whether my kinks are valid about a particular body type.

I certainly love the idea of being able to trace the curves & marks on a woman’s body that are formed as a result of living her life. Whether her body has been through weight gain and weight loss, whether she has experienced pregnancy, or just has the marks from a life well lived.

AS a result of my kink and porn preferences, so to are my dreams are naturally drawn to more curvy women and spending time with them both in and out of the bedroom.

If only my fantasies and dreams would become real.

Like to find out more about what makes me tick? Read more of my 30 Dirty Questions.

Games People Play

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1 – Who here plays Wordle? Have you every solved wordle in one play?

I go through phases of games. I was playing Wordle consistently at one stage, but haven’t touched it for a few weeks now.

2 – Any Candy Crush addicts?

Years ago, yes I was addicted, I haven’t played Candy Crush for years.

3 – Anyone still engaging in Angry Birds fighting?

One of my kids installed Angry Birds on my phone the other day. I played it for an hour or so before giving up. Boobs and butts on Reddit hold my attention far better.

4 – Do you Sudoku?

As with all the other games mentioned here. Phases of games come and go in my life. Sudoku has long been out of rotation for me for quite some time.

5 – Have you ever done an Escape Room? Did you like it?

I have never participated in an Escape Room. Maybe one day though.

6 – Are jigsaw puzzles your jam? How many pieces was the last jigsaw puzzle you did? What was the largest jigsaw puzzle you completed?

Nope. The closest I have been to a puzzle is the kids flood jigsaw puzzles of about 100 LARGE pieces. Otherwise I don’t go near them.

Bonus: Is your brain sexy? How so?

To others, my brain is probably far sexier than I could ever imagine. To myself, it is a pile of junk that does not deserve happiness or sexiness.

More

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What do you want more of in your sex life?

Honestly?

I don’t think there is more of anything that I want. Although I might come back at a later time and update this post, but right now, nothing comes to mind.

Like to find out more about what makes me tick? Read more of my 30 Dirty Questions.

Friend or lover

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1 – What do you need most right now, a friend or a lover? Why?

I need a friend more than a lover right now. I have two amazing people in my life that I love romantically, but I think a friend is required, one that can keep me accountable to myself, but also to vent with about my life.

Actually sounds like I need a therapist more than anyone else.

2 – What song do you not know the lyrics of but you like to sing anyway?

Singing? Me? Really funny.

3 – Tell 3 things you recommend to watch on Youtube.

Right now, I’m into a few things on Youtube, but my current default is watch making & servicing, silicone moulds & resin dice making, and either lawn care or virtual cycling. I watch a wide range of things, and these are the main ones on rotation at the moment.

4 – What cartoon (include animated series) do you still watch?

I don’t usually watch and animated series. Occasionally I might go back and rewatch something like Futurama.

5 – Have you conquered one of your fears? What was it?

Not really, I have so many fears.

Bonus: At this point in time, would you rather travel or focus on your career? Why?

I haven’t done much travelling, so I would much rather travel at the moment. I need to see the world, do something different. I’ve been so focused on the family and work, that I have forgotten how to look after myself, and some travel would certainly help with that, explore the horizon and see different parts of the world.