Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

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Switch

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Are you more dominant or submissive (or a bit of both)?

I’m surprised that of the 30 questions, I didn’t answer this as the very first one. I guess that’s the problem with being at the bottom of the list.

Well given the title of this blog, Musings of a Switch, I am very much a switch, so I lean both dominant and submissive depending on a number of factors.

Photo by elnaz asadi on Unsplash

I am certain that I am a switch through and through. I have submissive days, and I have dominant days. I am also submissive to people with dominant personalities, and vice versa.

However beyond submissive and dominant days with people of the corresponding personality. There are longer periods of time as well that I feel either submissive or dominant.

At the moment, I am going through a dominant period. My interests currently lie in Caregiver/Little as a nurturing Daddy Dom, and the top role in a number of kinks where I have an interest.

I am unable to immediately switch between the two, mostly it is a gradual process, or evolution of feelings that flows between the two states. Or it comes from a feeling that emerges when I wake up in the morning. There are some days where the two co-exist and I have some submissive traits mixed in with dominant traits.

As for answering the question above, I am both a submissive and a dominant, however at the moment I am leaning more towards the dominant part of the spectrum. Although If I came across a dominant woman who I found attractive, I would become submissive leaning for them.

Bears, urinals and cannons

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1 – Who in your family is most likely to be attacked by a bear?

That would probably be me, but only because I’m likely to be the one sacrificed by the rest of the family to save themselves.

2 – When using a urinal, where do you look?

When I do use a urinal, depends how the Prince Albert is sitting/mood, I’m generally a wall starer, the higher the better to avoid being caught catching a glimpse of someone else’s junk, or spotting them trying to catch a glimpse of my piercing 😏

3 – When was the last time you actually spoke with a telemarketer?

I spoke with one the other week, tried selling me a new insurance policy, wouldn’t take no for an answer so I just went silent on them until they decided to hang up.

Photo by Loov 12 on Unsplash

4 – Which vegetable would make a decent weapon?

I’m going for a whole potato in an air cannon wrapped in a sabot rather than a Potato Gun.

5 – Do you clap at the end of an airplane flight?

What is this rubbish? Never have I clapped at the end of a flight, nor have I witnessed it.

Bonus: New Year’s Resolutions, did you make any?

I haven’t made resolutions per se, but more trying to adopt principles to incorporate as part of holistic changes in my life. No point trying to be specific, it just leads to disaster for me.

Happy New Year 2023

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Fireworks in the sky with a silhouette of spectators in the foreground
Photo by Arthur Chauvineau on Unsplash

Happy New Year to my readers and followers from both Missus Sub and myself. We wish you all a safe and prosperous 2023, and that your hopes, dreams and plans for 2023 come together as your planned, or on a roundabout way.

We will see what 2023 brings us.

An odd mixture

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1 – Would you rather live in a real haunted house or a gingerbread house?

I’m really not a fan of hugely scary things and events. I’m certainly not a horror fiend. But if the gingerbread house had an appropriate level of waterproofing, or was inside a clear weatherproof box and I could slowly nibble away at it, I’ll take the gingerbread house.

Gingerbread house sitting on a table infront of a window.
Photo by Ryan Wallace on Unsplash

2 – One practical use for your belly button is _____ .

Holding a tequila shot. I want to do the whole body shot thing at some stage.

3 – Do you trust birds? If not, why not?

I’m not sure how to trust birds. They might be plotting to take over the world for all we know. Those morning and evening songs they sing might be be elaborate distractions for humans while other groups plot their revenge on us. So no, I don’t trust birds.

4 – What’s wrong with you?

Where do I start? Mentally? Emotionally? Physically? Morally? I think the list is far too long, although a blog does allow for long post sharing.

Mentally: Depression, anxiety, procrastinator

Emotionally: A lacking of emotional investment

Physically: Well I don’t have the figure I want, but I don’t think I have the time to work on it the way I should

Morally: Well that depends who you compare my life with, compare it with a Christian and I’m a poly, kinky, bisexual guy who is morally bankrupt. Compare me with the poly, kink or queer communities and I’m probably hella less bankrupt.

5 – Would you rather be a millionaire but NOT have friends or family or be broke but have friends and family?

I think friends and family are far more important than money. Yes money will help pay the bills, but without people around you, who can relate with you, who knows what sort of person you will become.

Respect

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What I am about to write in this post is difficult to share. I am frustrated by a recent chain of events that happened in my list this week. I want to move on from these events and put this experience behind me. However I have a desire to write and share these thoughts.

Last wee, I spotted a post published by a transmasculine non-binary person. They are located in the same metropolitan region as I am, and they were looking for a Daddy Dom to explore a potential dynamic with.

I reached out to them to see if we could have a chat, to see if there was some common ground, and to see what might happen. The conversation flowed easily, and we realised that we could offer what we were each looking for.

I have not had many interactions with a transmasculine non-binary person before. I did my best to be respectful. I feel like I may have slipped up once or twice, I apologised and they assured me that I was doing well, and that I had the right intentions with our interactions.

During our talk, the topic of past dynamics and relationships came up. Obviously I shared my experiences of these dynamics. One particular experience I shared was about being ghosted.

As a result of some of my past interactions, I believe that it is better to be open and honest about your feelings with the other person than outright ghost them if you don’t want to continue. They said something very similar, and said they something along the lines of “I believe I would be respectful if things do not work out [between us], but obviously hope it would not come to that”.

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

We continued chatting, even started to arrange to catch-up in person during the break. Clearly we were both excited to be meeting a potential play partner and that became the topic of conversation for a while.

The conversation flowed well over a few days, we still talked about the upcoming catch-up. And then the following events occurred.

Late one evening, we were chatting as normal for us, we were both tired and it was getting late. We said our good nights to each other. I planned to stay up for a bit longer. As I was sitting there doing whatever I was doing, the conversation disappeared from the app we were using. I thought it was strange for a conversation to disappear. My initial thoughts were that there was a bug in the app, and I restarted the phone/app but the conversation was gone.

Given it was late I didn’t was to press the issue, and thought it could be resolved the following morning.

I remained awake and continued with my evening. However as I climbed into bed, I received a message from them using the orginal platform where we met. It said the following:

Hey. Just want to apologise. This got overwhelming very quickly and I can’t do this. I hope there is no hard feelings but I can’t meet up or continue speaking. It was my first step into attempting poly and I got scared. So, I need to focus on myself and my current relationship so I can get over these fears. Good luck with it all, and sorry again.

I can understand things being new and challenging your thoughts, but I also know that we discussed “exit strategies” for lack of a better term, and being respectful of each others feelings if things weren’t working for us.

That was not the message I was expecting at all. I thought maybe the topic of things moving too fast could come up, then we could stop & evaluate the situation, and have an adult conversation and talk about what was not working. I was hoping that there would be at least show some respect to the other person rather than just ghosting them leaving them in the dark with a vague message that was a complete 180-degree turn from where the conversation left just 2 hours earlier.

I have my suspicions as to why I was ghosted (they developed feelings they weren’t expecting to develop). I understand that non-monogamy may not be for everyone, and I can respect that.

I would have been happy to step back and let them evaluate whether they wanted to pursue the dynamic further or not. Being ghosted without an explanation just sucks, especially when things felt like they were going really well just a few hours earlier.

While I don’t need an explanation, it would be nice to receive an explanation of why would want to end things.

It is disappointing that something that felt natural and going well, and had promise for both parties, ended the way it did.

Logically I am somewhat relieved that it happened before we met in person, or at the time of the planned catch-up. However I am disappointed that it happened at all, especially we we had discussed this exact type of situation earlier on. It happened, what’s done is done, I have to move on, but it is sad that it happened.

All I can say is that for those people looking to explore non-monogamy, please be open and honest with all people involved. Do not ghost! The only reason I can see where ghosting is valid is when there is a threat to your safety.