Thoughts

Embarrassing sex

27.01.2023 by William

Is there anything about sex that embarrasses you, causes shame or fear, or makes you nervous? Or…what’s the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened to you during sex?

There are two questions here, and I’m going to answer the second one. What is the most embarrassing thing that has happened during sex?

We the most embarrassing thing for me was one particular morning, Missus Sub and I had the bed alone together in the morning the kids were still in bed sleeping, so we took the opportunity for some X-rated time together, something that is precious when you have children.

So we were busy like rabbits together, I was on top, Missus Sub has her legs over my shoulders, and my cock was deep inside her. We were in a rhythm together, my balls slapping against Missus Sub, and the orgasm was building deep inside me.

Just as I was about to fill Missus Sub with my seed, we heard the bedroom door open, and our son came clambering up the bed and onto my back. He hopped on and with a look of shock on my face, I stopped mid-stroke. Missus Sub and I just looked at each other, and started laughing, I rolled off Missus Sub, grabbed our son so I didn’t squash him, then just laughed at what had happened.

While it wasn’t embarrassing to others, I certainly found it embarrassing and funny at the same time.

What makes a good profile?

23.01.2023 by William

Pinboard with blank notes — Photo by Immo Wegmann on Unsplash

I shared my current personals profile post that I have been using for the last couple of weeks over on Fetlife and Reddit. I don’t want this blog to become my seeking place, but I want to share to get some crowd improvements that may help.

So I am always thinking about things to add (or remove) that might help my posts stand out from the general crowd and find that special person to explore with.

So I would love for some of my readers to have a read of what I currently use, and share some thoughts about a number of different aspects for it:

What makes you choose to ignore the post altogether?
What interests you to read it in full and not respond?
What stirs something inside to cause you to send a message?

So I would love your thoughts, you can share them publicly below as a comment, or you can share them privately using my Contact form.

Switch

04.01.2023 by William

Are you more dominant or submissive (or a bit of both)?

I’m surprised that of the 30 questions, I didn’t answer this as the very first one. I guess that’s the problem with being at the bottom of the list.

Well given the title of this blog, Musings of a Switch, I am very much a switch, so I lean both dominant and submissive depending on a number of factors.

I am certain that I am a switch through and through. I have submissive days, and I have dominant days. I am also submissive to people with dominant personalities, and vice versa.

However beyond submissive and dominant days with people of the corresponding personality. There are longer periods of time as well that I feel either submissive or dominant.

At the moment, I am going through a dominant period. My interests currently lie in Caregiver/Little as a nurturing Daddy Dom, and the top role in a number of kinks where I have an interest.

I am unable to immediately switch between the two, mostly it is a gradual process, or evolution of feelings that flows between the two states. Or it comes from a feeling that emerges when I wake up in the morning. There are some days where the two co-exist and I have some submissive traits mixed in with dominant traits.

As for answering the question above, I am both a submissive and a dominant, however at the moment I am leaning more towards the dominant part of the spectrum. Although If I came across a dominant woman who I found attractive, I would become submissive leaning for them.

Respect

23.12.2022 by William

What I am about to write in this post is difficult to share. I am frustrated by a recent chain of events that happened in my list this week. I want to move on from these events and put this experience behind me. However I have a desire to write and share these thoughts.

Last wee, I spotted a post published by a transmasculine non-binary person. They are located in the same metropolitan region as I am, and they were looking for a Daddy Dom to explore a potential dynamic with.

I reached out to them to see if we could have a chat, to see if there was some common ground, and to see what might happen. The conversation flowed easily, and we realised that we could offer what we were each looking for.

I have not had many interactions with a transmasculine non-binary person before. I did my best to be respectful. I feel like I may have slipped up once or twice, I apologised and they assured me that I was doing well, and that I had the right intentions with our interactions.

During our talk, the topic of past dynamics and relationships came up. Obviously I shared my experiences of these dynamics. One particular experience I shared was about being ghosted.

As a result of some of my past interactions, I believe that it is better to be open and honest about your feelings with the other person than outright ghost them if you don’t want to continue. They said something very similar, and said they something along the lines of “I believe I would be respectful if things do not work out [between us], but obviously hope it would not come to that”.

We continued chatting, even started to arrange to catch-up in person during the break. Clearly we were both excited to be meeting a potential play partner and that became the topic of conversation for a while.

The conversation flowed well over a few days, we still talked about the upcoming catch-up. And then the following events occurred.

Late one evening, we were chatting as normal for us, we were both tired and it was getting late. We said our good nights to each other. I planned to stay up for a bit longer. As I was sitting there doing whatever I was doing, the conversation disappeared from the app we were using. I thought it was strange for a conversation to disappear. My initial thoughts were that there was a bug in the app, and I restarted the phone/app but the conversation was gone.

Given it was late I didn’t was to press the issue, and thought it could be resolved the following morning.

I remained awake and continued with my evening. However as I climbed into bed, I received a message from them using the orginal platform where we met. It said the following:

Hey. Just want to apologise. This got overwhelming very quickly and I can’t do this. I hope there is no hard feelings but I can’t meet up or continue speaking. It was my first step into attempting poly and I got scared. So, I need to focus on myself and my current relationship so I can get over these fears. Good luck with it all, and sorry again.

I can understand things being new and challenging your thoughts, but I also know that we discussed “exit strategies” for lack of a better term, and being respectful of each others feelings if things weren’t working for us.

That was not the message I was expecting at all. I thought maybe the topic of things moving too fast could come up, then we could stop & evaluate the situation, and have an adult conversation and talk about what was not working. I was hoping that there would be at least show some respect to the other person rather than just ghosting them leaving them in the dark with a vague message that was a complete 180-degree turn from where the conversation left just 2 hours earlier.

I have my suspicions as to why I was ghosted (they developed feelings they weren’t expecting to develop). I understand that non-monogamy may not be for everyone, and I can respect that.

I would have been happy to step back and let them evaluate whether they wanted to pursue the dynamic further or not. Being ghosted without an explanation just sucks, especially when things felt like they were going really well just a few hours earlier.

While I don’t need an explanation, it would be nice to receive an explanation of why would want to end things.

It is disappointing that something that felt natural and going well, and had promise for both parties, ended the way it did.

Logically I am somewhat relieved that it happened before we met in person, or at the time of the planned catch-up. However I am disappointed that it happened at all, especially we we had discussed this exact type of situation earlier on. It happened, what’s done is done, I have to move on, but it is sad that it happened.

All I can say is that for those people looking to explore non-monogamy, please be open and honest with all people involved. Do not ghost! The only reason I can see where ghosting is valid is when there is a threat to your safety.

Top 100 sex blogs

06.12.2022 by William

Last weekend, Molly published her annual Top 100 Sex Blogs for 2022. I did not make the list, I don’t even believe that my blog was nominated for the main list, or even the newcomers list.

Am I disappointed? In a way yes I am, but logically I know that because I wasn’t nominated that I can’t be on the list. Hell, I didn’t even nominate myself (whether it was allowed or not).

I shared some thoughts on the matter over on my Mastodon account. However it has been suggested that I expand on those initial thoughts some more here on the blog. While I have never been on the Top 100 list with any of my blogs, I am slightly concerned that writing about it like this will get me struck off the list permanently if I am nominated in the future.

Time and energy

One reason I don’t think I have been on the list before is having the time and energy to dedicate to learning to write high quality articles and stories consistently.

With two children, Missus Sub and I both working full time, dedicating the time and energy to writing can be a challenge.

Blog longevity

You might think having written 3 or 4 blogs over the space of 15 years, I would have a good understanding of writing for people. However in my day job, I’m writing for a technical audience, and that does not translate well to a casual reader.

So when you have a blog for 18-24 months, and you are only getting 10 to 15 views per day on average, the idea of having a successful blog slowly wanes out of existence. Sure I can comment on other blogs with links to my blog/s, get my thoughts out on social media with links to my blog/s, but again, a lack of time and energy hinders that.

Other reasons

I believe there are other reasons that see me not being added to the Top 100 list. I am not going to share those thoughts because they might be seen as libellous. I do not have the energy to defend my position on social media or blogs.

However I feel that sharing my beliefs will see me further ostracised from the sex blogging community. Links to my blog, or any comments I make will never be published on a sex blog other than my own. So I’m not intending to go down that path.

Where to from here

Even without libel, I feel like this blog post will end my chances for this blog ever making it onto a Molly’s Top 100 Sex Blogs.

Since the list has been published for 2022, hopefully I can move on for the next 10-12 months until the rumblings of the 2023 list come about. Maybe I’ll consider nominating for next years list (although more likely not) because I can’t see myself being added to the “echo chamber”.