Musings of a Switch

Unfiltered thoughts from a bisexual switch

William

Are my thoughts valid?

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I’m not sure how to write down my current thoughts. I feel that what turns me on at the moment could be seen as not being body-positive.

If you are offended by my thoughts, I honestly mean no disrespect. I am trying to learn & explore my desires while being body-positive. Please help me learn where I am wrong.

So what are my feelings?

I have lots of feelings about many things, sexual & non-sexual. Right now there are a few things on my mind leading to my current questionable feelings.

I would like play sexually with people who have some body characteristics that are turning me on at the moment. Any play I would participate in would be consensual as part of an ethically non-monogamous relationship.

  • A person of colour (POC) that is of African or Caribbean descent;
  • A person who has lost a lot of weight and has excess skin;
  • Trans female who has had top surgery & has feminine facial/body structure.

In my mind, wanting to be with people who have these body characteristics, feels as though I am fetishising a human being. I feel bad for having these thoughts. I would treat them as human but in my mind I am objectifying them.

If given the opportunity to date & sexually play with people who have these characteristics, I would treat them as humans with the utmost respect.

How does it make me feel?

Well as the thoughts flow through my mind, and seeing these types of bodies in Reddit porn, I get turned on and dream about them happening. I might turn these thoughts into a story I may share one day.

However, I find that I enjoy the thoughts initially, but then I correct myself into thinking these thoughts are not the right way to think. I then mentally punish myself for having these types of thoughts.

Although at the same time, I feel bad because I feel as though I am fetishising body characteristics.

Will this happen?

Whether I will get to experience these desires is yet to be seen, and they may never be realised.

I like to think that I will get to meet these types of people at some stage, but I am also not hopeful because I do not have the personality to go out & meet these people because of my introvert nature.

What will I do about it?

That is why I am here. I am wanting to learn whether my feelings about being with a person with certain characteristics is a valid thought process and whether I am fetishising a person by having these thoughts. Or I am barking up the wrong tree in my thoughts?

So I would appreciate if you could share your thoughts about what I have written to help me understand where I may or may not being going wrong when it comes to body-positivity about sexualising people with particular body characteristics.

Please leave a comment below, or use my contact page if you would rather your thoughts be kept private.

Life is shit

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Content Warning: This post includes references to mental illness and body hatred that may be distressing to some readers.

My life right now feels like a complete shitshow. Everything feels like it requires a massive effort to do anything.

I have a history of depression, and it runs in my family. I have sought assistance in the past to address it, and it has helped, but has not been something I have been able to move past in the long term.

I am very stubborn in my convictions and I find that change is very difficult. I suspect this is one reason I relapse towards depression after months of dealing with it.

I have a weird mental process when it comes to getting help for myself. If there is a medical solution to my problem, I will actively seek assistance from a professional. However when it comes to my mental health and weight loss, I want nothing to do with professional assistance.

There is some weird and convoluted mental gymnastics to get medical help for some medical conditions that can be helped with modern medicine, but not for others. I know that help is available for me, but I cannot bring myself to accept the help because I consider it cheating.

So I refuse the help out of stubbornness of not wanting to cheat, but at the same time I do not have the will power to make the required changes myself.

So I find myself stuck in this holding pattern of life, wanting to have change, but not wanting to make the changes required to help myself.

For now, life is shit, and I’m complaining about it on my blog because I can. There is no reason for you to comment on this telling me that “You can change if you want it” and “You just need the right conditions to change” because I have not found either of those in over 15 years.

Three months

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I have not written about my Prince Albert piercing for two months now. There has not been much to write about as it has been mostly uneventful.

Three months after getting the piercing, I am certain that the piercing is now healed & I am now wanting to explore increasing the piercing gauge. Online research I have done has conflicting information about the duration to be spent at each gauge.

I have read that some pierced guys are able to gauge up every 6 to 8 weeks. Others have suggested waiting 6 months between gauge changes. What I find interesting is that these differences are not just from people’s experiences, but also coming from experienced piercers.

Personally I have no experience in gauging up, however I am looking to gauge up in the future. How large I am yet to decide, but for now a 4G ring is a reasonable target.

However between the 12G that I have now, and the 4G that I would like to reach, there are 4 gauge steps. Based on 6 months between changes, that will be 2 yrs away at the earliest. If I go with 3 months, it is 12 months away.

I think I am ready to gauge up now. Do I attempt to do it myself? Or do I go see the piercer? Is 3 months enough, or do I wait the 6?

I think it may be time to talk with Mike again. Ask him for his advice and find out whether we can gauge up after 3 months, and whether he has the right sized jewellery in stock for this weekend, maybe.

Elust #151

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Image courtesy of mywildlens. Rope and Photography by Honey at HappyComeLucky.

Congratulations @MiladyGoddess for winning the monthly Elust Contest for June!

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Kissing date

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TW: The following story may contain topics that some readers find sensitive. All persons mentioned are of legal age and are able to give informed consent.

Sometimes the best stories come from real life scenarios and the possibilities that may develop from the situation. This is one of those events.

I am a prolific poster on Reddit & some of the more NSFW Subreddits where people, mostly women share their bodies with many subscribers from around the world. I am using Reddit at the moment to look for a little girl as part of a Daddy Dom Little girl (DDlg) dynamic, online or in real life.

At least once per week, I post up a personals ad offering to be a Daddy for Littles online or IRL. Most people who reply are from overseas. Now and then I come across someone from the land of Australia, mostly from states other than my home state.

Today, a lovely lady who goes by the name Olivia, asked if I could answer a few questions for her about DDlg. We had a good conversation via Reddit chat, and I cleared up some of her confusions and I answered questions to the best of my continually learning knowledge-bank.

After a few more days of chatting, we agreed to meet in person. This first meeting would involve a picnic and to eliminate any expectations of how the date would end, we agreed to partake in a ‘kissing date‘.

We organised to meet at the botanic gardens for a lovely picnic of sandwiches and champagne. I made some sandwiches that morning to bring with me. I packed a picnic blanket ready for our date, as well as champagne flutes. Olivia agreed to bring her favourite champagne for us to drink.

We travelled separately to our date. I arrived first and setup the blanket for us under the shade of a large tree. I pulled out the plates, sandwiches and champagne flutes ready for the date. Olivia arrived a few minutes later and brought over the champagne for us.

We did the polite thing with a cheek kiss and sat down on the blanket. We chatted for a few minutes, we were already comfortable chatting, but being in person made things a little awkward at first, but we soon found our chatting rhythm.

I offered to open the champagne. I took the bottle, and slowly worked out the cork with the familiar pop. I poured out two glasses of champagne for us. I set the bottle down, and we celebrated our first meeting.

It was time for some food, I offered Olivia the sandwiches, and she took a few to nibble on, but I sensed the food would only be the appetiser.

Olivia put her sandwiches to the side, and she jumped on top of me pushing me to the ground. She leaned in and kissed me passionately. I returned the kiss, we just lay there for a few minutes continually kissing. I hugged Olivia and pulled her body close to mine.

We rolled over so I was on top. The kissing continued of course, and the tension was slowly building. Olivia’s hands started to wander all over my body.

Olivia reached down between us & rubbed my cock through my jeans. I ignored her advances & continued the kissing.

We positioned ourselves side by side to continue kissing each other. Our hands were enthusiastically exploring each other’s curves & crevices.

Olivia mentioned she wanted to see my pierced cock in person as she had never seen one up close. She reached down and tried to slide her hand inside my jeans. I grabbed her wrist playfully and pulled her hand out. She tried again and I pulled her wrist back out again.

We continued kissing enjoying the taste of each other’s lips. Olivia reached down again & rubbed my hardening cock through my jeans again. I moaned at her touch. I wanted her to touch it but we agreed to a kissing only date.

I rubbed her cunt through her dress and panties. I could feel her warmth and knew she was wet, but I resisted lifting her dress for a closer inspection. I really wanted to touch her cunt and taste her juices, just as she wanted to taste & feel my cock in her mouth.

The kissing subsided for a bit to catch our breath. We were both hot and horny for each other, but knew we agreed to limits. We could have changed those limits, but what would we do next time?

We finished up the last of the champagne and sandwiches sitting on the blanket just talking.

Soon the time allocated came to the close, we still wanted each other, & knew this relationship could go further than we initially thought back during those first few messages on Reddit.

We packed up & wandered back to the cars, hand in hand, giddy with excitement over what just happened and what may happen in the future.